In Passing, and Names

Yesterday I was late to class because I got distracted and decided to try an experiment on the way. In between classes, there are always bazillions of people on the paths going every which way. Sometimes it is hard to walk because there are so many students jamming the paths. My experiment: I looked at everyone who passed me, right in the eye, and smiled just to see what would happen.

Veeeerrrrrrry interesting: out of dozens, probably hundreds of students, most everyone was either zoned out to an ipod or lost in his/her own little world. More than half were looking down or to the side.

Only eight people noticed that I was paying attention to them. Of those eight, four looked away quickly (pretending like they hadn't seen), two glanced briefly, then smiled shyly at the ground, one glanced briefly then smiled straight ahead (her expression was like, "Umm... okay?"), and one person actually lit up and said, "Hey! How's it going?" (She's sits across from me in Spanish class).

It was a telling experiment. I didn't expect that so many people would be completely oblivious. I guess we do have a lot to think about, but there is so much going on right outside our own heads!

I also didn't expect that it would be kind of hard to make eye contact with total strangers. I felt intrusive at times- you know, "it's rude to stare." When I went to New York, I noticed that this phenomenon was even more prevalent. The way people tolerate tiny bubbles of personal space in a crowded city is to distance themselves in un-physical ways. I guess that keeps things from getting uncomfortable, but it also keeps us from making connections.

I find that when I get too zoned-out in my own little world, all I can think about is myself- my life, my problems, my classes, etc. Some of the best days I've had so far at college started out badly, but then someone said "Hi," broke the bubble, pulled me out of myself, and I learned that my problems were really not all that bad in comparison to his/hers.

Even more powerful than eye contact, than striking up a conversation, is using a person's name. A name is like a password into a person's life. I have been working on getting better at using names, because I know how much it means to people.

Just now, I walked up to a girl I've never seen before and said, "Hi, Rebekah!" She said "hi" back, bewildered and a little uncertain (I'll admit that I cheated- her name was written on her jacket). It's interesting how names don't bear the same power when spoken by a stranger- or do they bear more? There's that element of "how do you know my name, my password?" It is rather exciting to have access to this kind of power ;)