Shift

It's funny how one thing can completely rearrange your priorities and alter your life's perspective. My boyfriend/best friend has been in the hospital all week with a very serious, sudden illness, barely hanging on. I didn't find out until just Wednesday night, which is probably a good thing: I didn't know you could be literally sick with worry, but it is true. Since then, I have scarcely thought of anything else. Food has been a bother to me, sleep has come slowly, and it has been very difficult to concentrate on schoolwork. Luckily I got to come home for the weekend to be with my family.

We visited him today. He was not conscious, but it was still good to see what is really going on and just be with him. The machines and medications keeping him alive are incredible- I am so glad we have such advanced technology available. I felt so helpless, though- he was so distant, so covered in tubing and sensors and electrodes. I could barely hold his hand through everything.

It felt familiar: warm and solid.

Another thing I am so glad for is the amazing amount of love and support that we have all felt. The entire community has risen together in prayer, fasting, and well-wishes. I made a group on Facebook wishing him well and updating people about his condition; it now has 250 members and rising. I know that he is on the prayer roll of at least four LDS temples and two non-LDS denominations. I laughed until tears came to my eyes when I called the Provo temple prayer roll and the very confused lady told me that his name was already listed. People who don't even know him are praying and fasting. It is really amazing, and humbling.

People keep asking me if I am okay. I really am.
I gave up eating for a while, but with a spark of good news, my appetite is back. I love to laugh. I love to give and receive hugs. I feel deeper. I have not cried, I have not forgotten to look after others, I have not given up hope.

Strong is what you are when you have no other option. What else can I be now?