Day 20

A picture of something you wish you could forget.




Actually, I don't mind remembering how much it hurt to get this bruise. Because of it, I felt "hard core," earned bragging rights, and learned to let go of the rope sooner. It's one of those painful things that I wouldn't want to go through again, but all the same I'm glad I did.

Really, I just don't like forgetting things- even the times that are most painful or embarrassing. If I forget, I'll forget the lesson. Besides, these are parts of my life- if I were to blot them out of my memory, it would be less complete, less varied and expansive.

I used to think it wasn't fair that we remember our sins after we've been washed clean through repentance while Christ remembers them no more (Jeremiah 31:34). Why couldn't we all just forget and have them disappear completely?
That would miss the point. Repentance is a path toward changing, growing, overcoming. By remembering we keep ourselves from falling back into old habits and we can be gentler with others going through similar tough times.

Found this on someone else's blog, and it touched me. An interesting perspective.
(http://lamont-uphill.blogspot.com/2011/02/day-21-something-i-wish-i-could-forget.html):

"Forget.
Not because it was bad.
Not because I wish it never was.
Not because it wasn't a precious time with good people.

But because it's something I find myself missing so much.
If I could forget the loss, remembering would not be so difficult."

Day 6

A picture of someone you'd like to trade places with for a day

I can't think of anyone famous or nearby that I would honestly like to be for a day. However, I would really like to get to know a totally different culture from the inside. Through visiting, studying, reading books, and talking with people you get to scratch the surface and learn from the slant of your own cultural background, but through truly being another person, you would automatically understand the language and customs and how things came to be accepted as they are. I would like to see the world through completely different eyes so I can have a broader perspective and a more understanding heart. That would be the ultimate total immersion experience. :)

Day 5

A picture of your favorite memory.

Wowzers, this one is nearly impossible: how am I supposed to narrow it down to just one memory? I decided to just find two pictures that give a general feeling of my favorite times, way back in the day and more recently.

Basically, most of my favorite memories involve being outside and having adventures with friends and family who mean a lot to me. I remember car camping in the LaSals way back when there were just three of us Hazletts and exploring arroyos before curling up on Grandma's lap to look at the stars. Then the Era of the Pop-up Camper, then the motorhome and cross-country travel. Girls' camp, snipe hunting, discovering hidden and unnamed canyons around Moab. Climbing mountains, each one "the hardest thing I've ever done!" (at least it felt so at the time ;). Lots of hikes and trips to the swimming hole, camping beside the river. Exploring new places like the Nauvoo groves, catching fireflies in Eastern woods at night. Even in New York, standing on a rooftop watching the snow fall in an orange glow. Sledding and climbing and escaping the summer heat in the LaSal Mountains. Lots of river trips with friends, inside jokes and grit and wind and riding the waves. Long days and tired legs and spectacular sunsets. INHUT - the spring term I spent backpacking & driving & canoeing all over Utah getting to know the people, places and history of this vast state. School trips to National Parks, and now living in one of the most remote and beautiful places in the world.



One of these pictures is my little cousin snuggled up in her sleeping bag at Hittle Bottom. The other is Sheena, Chris, Cody & me about to begin an overnight ducky adventure from the Portal to Gold Bar.

I think there's a special closeness you develop with people and with God when you're outside. Conversations are more open and relaxed, stress and distractions are lower, and you feel really alive. You get back down to the simple things and realize that relationships and wholesome dose of fresh air really are the stuff of life :D

Now, back to wondering. I won't be wandering far for a while. I'm home. :)

Why is the cold so intimidating?

It's no fun to be stuck inside all day, but it takes such effort to bundle up and brace against the frost.

However, yesterday I went running. It was exhilarating! I've realized that that's one of the times when I feel most alive: charging up a hill, watching my breath fall beside me, feeling the ground below and the muscles pushing me higher and farther. Heating up, breathing in, breathing out, going on.

In the cold, you have to keep running if you want to stay warm. You can't stop. You can't slip. You've just gotta go----->

I've decided that I like winter after all. The still, the stark, the frozen. The sharp contrasts of red rock, white snow, clear sky. The soft landing and biting cold. Icicles reaching down imperceptibly, stiff branches clawing the sky. The flush of red nose and cheeks nearly buried in insulating layers, laughter ringing through the clear, frozen air.

Once they've shed their lush, bright summer garments and all is quiet, bare landscapes reveal their true colors. Pastel rocks glowing in the weak winter sunlight. Colors intensified by a backdrop of white and grey. A single snowflake on an old leaf.

People, too, show their true colors when all is cold and quiet.

Winter beauty is subtle, but real.

Dreams

Turns out that when I immerse myself in poetry just before bedtime, I wake up to very vivid and memorable dreams. Perhaps accessing my subconscious while conscious means that it is wide awake and ready to mull over what I'm really feeling as I sleep.

I don't believe all the "dream symbols" and other horoscope-ish stuff. However, I can definitely detect patterns and recognize symbols in my own dreams- and even interpret them- because I know what they mean to me. They could be totally different from someone else, because the sum total of my life is very different from everyone else's.

Come to think of it, I can't remember the last time I had a true nightmare.

I think dreams provide insight into what you feel deep down- what you are afraid of, what you know, what you won't admit to yourself- that your conscious, rational self refuses to acknowledge while you are awake. When that logical part is sleeping, the raw feelings and memories, thoughts, etc. can untangle themselves. Dreams are those fleeting glimpses into how you really feel about things.

Interesting... I think I will have to sleep on this thought ;)