Needles Internship

It's been almost a month now, so I think it's just about time to finally post something about my current life. I took a semester off from school to complete an internship as an Interpretive Park Ranger in the Needles District of Canyonlands National Park 75 miles south of Moab, UT. I started February 20th and will be done June 10th.

What does that mean?


I get to wear a cool uniform, talk on a radio, drive government vehicles around, manage the campground, collect entrance & bookstore fees, answer questions, answer phones, go on hikes, create and present a campfire program, represent the U.S. Government, and live in one of the coolest places on earth with some of the neatest people.

No, it's not all sunshine and the romantic "National Park Ranger" ideal - sometimes I don't know the answer, sometimes the visitor center hours drag on, sometimes I feel smooshed under the bureaucratic policies, sometimes I miss my family and friends back home and even feel lonely out here in the desert...


...but then a little kid rushes up and asks me a question about coyotes, "Ranger, Ranger!" or I wake up before the sun and watch it paint an ever-changing liquid masterpiece across the sky, or I stand at the edge of a canyon mid-way through a run and listen to my own heart beat in the contented silence broken only by wind and birdsong, and I realize how lucky I am to live out here in the land of glowing rocks. I mean, I live in a National Park! When am I ever going to get this opportunity again? That's all the motivation I need to savor it.

Besides, it's not hard to love this place. Every hike is refreshing. It seems like there is no end to the trails or the things you can learn about this area- and no end to the questions, either. I spend a lot of free time/slow visitors center hours/project time just reading up about the natural & cultural history of the area, the whims and ways of the desert and life itself. It's like school, but so much better because I'm not doing it for a grade, and the parameters are so wide and the interest so keen!

I don't know if this internship will lead me to my life's mission or just help me become confident in my ability to manage a cash register, but either way I aim to help other people out, have grand adventures myself and learn as much as I can about this amazing place. :D

Seasons and Sickness

We've all heard that there is a season for everything. I'm learning a new depth to that saying today.

I woke up this morning shivering with a headache. The weather outside was not much better: right now it's 11 degrees with a windchill well below zero. I didn't feel all that crummy, but a thermometer reading of 101.1 and a resting heart rate nearly double my average made me think twice and pick up a bowl of chicken soup instead of my running shoes.

Once I was nearly recovered from a bad cold, but I decided to go on a hike with some friends of mine who keep up a wicked pace. It was a fun hike, but I came home exhausted and relapsed even worse. I didn't want to repeat that lesson today, especially with an overnight trip to a yurt in the mountains planned for this Friday. So, I decided to listen to my body, be patient, and just take it easy.
It was hard because I wasn't feeling crummy enough to lie around doing nothing, but I wasn't feeling good enough to really do anything truly productive. I read a book, babysat, played with a cat, played the piano, ordered a sleeping bag, and dreamed of days when the weather and I will both be feeling better.

The sun was the most deceptive part of today. It looked cheerful enough, but a step outside ushered in a breathless reality. The light that appeared friendly and warm from inside seemed harsh and hollow as it cast itself down upon a scene of stark, brittle trees stripped by the bitter wind. I stepped back inside quickly and put on another layer of fleecy warmth.
I haven't yet forgotten the memory of rich golden summer sunlight. It helps in times like this.

But as I've said before, winter has its own beauty. You could look at it two ways: a time to retreat indoors from the restrictive misery and dream of warmer adventures, or a time to retreat indoors for preparation and rest. In the days of homesteads, winter blizzards could leave a family snowbound for weeks. They spent the days mending things, making things, reading and telling stories together. Just because the winter was a harsh and unproductive time on the farm didn't mean it wasn't necessary or even good in its own right.
Six days we labor, and we rest on the seventh. Rest is good for the body and rejuvenating for the soul, especially when you're sick or stressed or otherwise in need. We can't just go-go-go; we are humans, not machines.

This time in my life feels kind of like a restful time. I am basically worry-free: living with my parents again, doing household tasks and spending time with my family and friends here until my internship starts. Sometimes I feel unproductive and even lazy. For so long I've been looking toward the next big deadline and constantly working to earn scholarships, recognition, money, credits, good grades, etc, going from one thing to the next. It's nice now to not have any homework to do, any exams to stress me out or classes to attend. I think I will miss it eventually. Too much of anything, even rest, is a bad thing.

For now I'm trying out a different kind of productivity. Today was all about helping my body fight what's ailing it and keeping the little girls entertained so my mom can spend quality time at the office. As for me, I'm taking time to breathe, time to play with a baby, time to find out what I really want from life and to enjoy what's here,

now,
in this season.

Even if it seems cold and miserable and boring, this rest will be gone before I know it, replaced by something new, the time quickening again and rushing onward.

Tomorrow I will feel better. Tonight, I'm going to bed early. Holly and I are having a camp out in the Great Room.

Same River Twice

Explore a new trail, or revisit an old one?

Quite a dilemma on any given weekend that is remotely sunny enough to head outside. However, one of the coolest (haha, pun intended) things about winter is that it changes familiar trails so you feel like you're exploring something new on a familiar backdrop. Winter paradox: frozen implies stuck, unchanging, but really the features of winter change often and dramatically. Think of an icicle, or eight inches of snow that fell overnight.

Big difference, right?
And it could be g o n e the next day.

Culvert Canyon is one of my favorite places to explore. We went twice this past week, and it changed so much just in a matter of days. We retraced familiar routes for a time and then stepped off into the unknown: we explored up a side canyon and found a cool trail that loops high above the wash all the way back to the start.
Another thing that adds variety: different people. If you've ever been a member of a group, you know that each group has a different dynamic, different personality mix, different goals and experience levels and abilities. Hiking with kids, you go slower and play more. Hiking with older adults, you hear all kinds of stories. Hiking with a few friends, you can cover a lot of ground and goof off. Hiking by yourself, you find solitude.

And even if you go on the same hike by yourself twice, it's different because you have changed since you last laced up your boots. That's another paradox: same person, different person. This idea's been around for a while:

"No man steps in the same river twice, for it's not the same river and he's not the same man."

(Heraclitus, Greek philosopher 500 B.C.)

Bucket List

So here it is, my first-ever Bucket List. It's pretty long, I know- I want to have a lot of adventures, what can I say?

At first I was just thinking of far-out things I want to do in the future, then I remembered all the cool things I'd wanted to do- and did- in the past. It's sure been a trip down memory lane! I chose not to include most of the "given" things, like "graduate from high school" or "get my drivers' license." I chose instead to list more unusual, out-of-my-way/comfort zone things.

The interesting thing about a bucket list is that it takes into account mainly one-time events. There are lots of small, everyday things I want to accomplish too, like writing in my journal consistently, eating healthfully, or making a difference in someone's life, but those things are hard to quantify. They are definitely part of these bigger goals, though. New Years' Resolution? No, this is my Bucket List!

Now, back to wondering. I won't be wandering far for a while. I'm home. :)

Why is the cold so intimidating?

It's no fun to be stuck inside all day, but it takes such effort to bundle up and brace against the frost.

However, yesterday I went running. It was exhilarating! I've realized that that's one of the times when I feel most alive: charging up a hill, watching my breath fall beside me, feeling the ground below and the muscles pushing me higher and farther. Heating up, breathing in, breathing out, going on.

In the cold, you have to keep running if you want to stay warm. You can't stop. You can't slip. You've just gotta go----->

I've decided that I like winter after all. The still, the stark, the frozen. The sharp contrasts of red rock, white snow, clear sky. The soft landing and biting cold. Icicles reaching down imperceptibly, stiff branches clawing the sky. The flush of red nose and cheeks nearly buried in insulating layers, laughter ringing through the clear, frozen air.

Once they've shed their lush, bright summer garments and all is quiet, bare landscapes reveal their true colors. Pastel rocks glowing in the weak winter sunlight. Colors intensified by a backdrop of white and grey. A single snowflake on an old leaf.

People, too, show their true colors when all is cold and quiet.

Winter beauty is subtle, but real.

New Year, New Post

So here's one New Year's Resolution I should probably make: update my blog every once in a while! Yup, this is my first post in... well, too long. Lots has happened since then!

I won't fill you in; I'm starting fresh with 2011.

But first, a few pics from Christmas Break! (These are the later ones that didn't make it onto Facebook. I have dozens more if you're interested!)

Hanging out in the New House (SOOO many movies- what else can you do when it's cold & dark starting at 5:00 pm?)





Hiking/Scrambling Ice Box Canyon with Chris & Joseph. River Road to the Slickrock Bike Trail in just over an hour of near-vertical ascent. At points, we had to use ropes, NRS strap-belt harnesses, or climb on railroad spikes someone pounded into the rock. Awesome!




Christmas Eve Nazarene Feast ("hippie food" courtesy of yours truly ;)






Slush & Shanghai: a Hazlett Holiday Tradition








A fun visit by the 5 crazy Coleman cousins :)







Snow on the red rock (view from the Sand Hill where we went sledding & even got the Andrews' van stuck!)





Two cutest baby sisters. Check out Holly's dance moves! ;)







New Year's Eve party w/the Singles' Branch








I have rather goofy (but attractive!) best friends ;)









And a very cute baby sister who loves to play outside in the snow with me!

So basically, LIFE IS GOOD! And I love being home.

BYU Winter semester classes started today, but I am kind of not missing it at all. I needed a break from school and the Provo bubble, to be honest. Now I am excited to spend time with my family & friends at home for a few weeks before heading out into the wilderness to explore a potential career option and get some real-world experience.

Besides, see what I would have had to leave behind?

Divided

I am divided at the moment. I am loving school right now, the awesome "study abroad" program I am participating in called "Integrated Natural History- Utah." We are camping, writing, studying, and exploring all over Utah, learning about the history, the people, the science of the state. I am enjoying spending time with my new friends and getting to know the state in which I grew up.

However, half of me longs to be home when I hear about how riverguide training is going. More than half of me, actually. I see pictures, hear stories, and think about my long-time friends establishing new friendships and inside jokes and experiencing the river together, and I have to admit that I feel a little left out.

Although I have grown up rafting, I have never really felt that I "belonged" to a group of riverguides. I've always felt too young, or I missed out on training, where everyone begins at the same level and grows together. Jumping into the middle of things, I always feel a bit like a well-kown stranger. It's an odd feeling. And this year, once again, I am missing out on the crucial beginning point. Still, I know most of the guides from last summer or beyond, and I cannot wait to go home on June 11th! I feel at home with a paddle in my hands, with stars above my head. I even miss the cocky boy scouts and hot, dusty lunches. Most of all, I miss my close friends who are finally guiding this year, and I want to be there with them.

But then again, I am having a great time with Laura, Annie, Erin, Greg, and all my other INHUT friends. I have climbed mountains, eaten ants, canoed in the hail, listened to a coyote, dug for trilobites, talked with Shoshone natives, eaten too many tortillas, gone to church with ranchers, and stayed up way too long talking about life. We will only be together for another few short weeks, and then INHUT will just be a memory. I only have so long to enjoy it.
This is where I am divided: to live in the moment, or to long for another?
My mom gave me some words of wisdom when I talked to her on the phone last night: "There is fun happening everywhere, but we can only be in one place at a time."

This place, this time, are mine. I don't want to rob this moment of its fulness by putting myself partly in another. I can fully immerse myself in river guide culture when I finally pull through that red-rock pass and see the glinting lights of Moab beneath the purple glow of the LaSals, but until then, I am a member of this group, of this moment. Fully.

Well, almost. Home is where the heart is, and my heart roams the red rock canyons. :)